Famous Gaa Quotes: Hi ref, how's your dog? Ref: What do you mean? I don't have a dog. Fan: That's strange. You're the first blind man I've ever met that doesn't have a guide dog! -Roscommon fan after the controversial 1980 All-Ireland final They shot the wrong Michaell Collins - Ollie Murphy to referee Michael Collins after Donegal beat Meath in a championship game. He'll regret this to his dying day, if he lives that long. - Dublin fan after Charlie Redmond missed a penalty in the 1994 All-Ireland final. Hurry up and make a decision, ref. I have to go home to bale the hay! - The late Michael Young during a club game in Derry as the ref dithered about whether to award a penalty. Now listen lads, I'm not happy with our tackling. We're hurting them but they keep getting up. -John B.Keane ventures into coaching Eugene McGee: Well, what happened Offaly player late for training: Oh, the wheel fell off my mobile home. Mick Holden (seriously late for training on a Saturday morning): I was coming across town and I was stopped by the guards. They said I was a match for one of the guys that pulled the big bank robbery yesterday. Kevin Heffernan: Really? Holden: No, but it sounds so much better than saying I slept it out. Meath are like Dracula. They're never dead till there's a stake through their heart. - Martin Carney Behind every Galway player there is another Galway player. - Meath fan at the 2001 All-Ireland final. He wouldn't see a foul in a henhouse. - Frustrated Sligo fan's judgement of the ref after the 2002 Connacht final. There are two things in Ireland that would drive you to drink. GAA referees would drive you to drink and the price of drink would drive you to drink. -Another Sligo fan at the same match. You get more contact in an old-time waltz at the old-folks' home than in a National League final. -Pat Spillane The first half was even, the second half was even worse. - Pat Spillane reflects on an Ulster Championship clash. Meath players like to get their retaliation in first. - Cork fan in 1988. Meath make football a colourful game - you get all black and blue. - Another Cork fan. That's the first time I've seen anybody limping off with a sore finger! - Armagh's Gene Morgan to 'injured' teammate Pat Campbell. We're taking you off but we're not bothering to put on a sub. Just having you off will improve our situation. - Manager to a club player in Derry. In terms of the Richter scale, this defeat was a force 8 gale. - Meath fan after the 2001 All-Ireland final. [You'd think a Meath fan would know the difference between the Richter scale and the Beaufort scale, since the latter was devised by a Naaavan man!] I'm going to tape the Angelus over this. - Meath fan after recording the same match. He's as useless as a back pocket in a vest. - Kerry fan on Colin Corkery. Colin Corkery is deceptive. He's slower than he looks. - Another Kerry fan Q: What's the difference between Paddy Cullen and a turnstile? A: A turnstile only lets in one at a time. - Kerry fan after Cullen conceded five goals in the 1978 All-Ireland final. Fermanagh has such a small playing base. Half the county is made up of water and half of the remaining half are Protestants. - Fermanagh fan bemoans the paucity of talent. The rules of Meath football are basically simple: if it moves, kick it; if it doesn't move, kick it until it does. - Tyrone fan after a controversial All-Ireland semi-final. John Maughan has given up football. He's just become Mayo manager. - Sarcastic Galway fan. A Kerry footballer with an inferiority complex is one who thinks he's just as good as everybody else. - John B. Keane I love Cork so much that if I caught one of their hurlers in bed with my missus, I'd tiptoe downstairs and make him a cup of tea" - the late Joe Lynch, actor. "We've won one All-Ireland in a row!" - Wexford fan in 1996. "The toughest match that I ever heard of was the 1935 All-Ireland semi final. After six minutes the ball richocheted off a goalpost and went into the stand. The pulling continued relentlessly and it was 22 minutes before any of the players noticed the ball was missing" - Michael Smith. "Sylvie Linnane would start a riot in a graveyard" - Tipp fan on the Galway legend. "I'm not giving away any secrets like that to Tipperary. If I had my way I wouldn't even tell them the time of the throw-in" - Ger Loughnane. From the great Mícheál Ó Muircheartaigh: “And Brian Dooher is down injured. And while he is, I’ll tell ye a little story. I was in Times Square in New York last week, and I was missing the Championship back home. So I approached a newsstand and I said 'I suppose ye wouldn't have ‘The Kerryman would ye?' To which the Egyptian behind the counter turned to me and he said 'Do you want the North Kerry edition or the South Kerry edition?'... He had both... So I bought both. And Dooher is back on his feet..." "Pat Fox has it on his hurley and is motoring well now ... But here comes Joe Rabbitte hot on his tail ... I've seen it all now - a Rabbitte chasing a Fox around Croke Park!" "He grabs the sliothar, he's on the 50...... He's on the 40...... He's on the 30...... He's on the ground" "Sean Óg Ó hAilpín.... His father's from Fermanagh, his mother's from Fiji - neither a hurling stronghold Timmy McCarthy passes the ball to Niall McCarthy..no relation..Niall McCarthy passes the ball back to Timmy McCarthy, still no relation "1-5 to 0-8...well from Lapland to the Antarctic, that's level scores in any man's language". "We're taking this match awful seriously.We're training three times a week now, and some of the boys are off the beer since Tuesday"...Offaly hurler quote in the week before an All-Ireland final "I saw a few Sligo people at Mass in Gardiner Street this morning and the omens seem to be good for them. The priest was wearing the same colours as the Sligo jersey! Forty yards out on the Hogan stand side of the field Ciarán Whelan goes on a rampage, its a goal. So much for religion." Well done you played 2 games out there your 1st and last. He kicks the ball lan san aer, could've been a goal, could've been a point.......it went wide. Anthony Lynch the Cork corner back will be the last person to let you down- his people are undertakers "There won't be a cow milked in Clare for a week" Marty Morrisey after 1992 Munster Football Final Id say by the time he wakes up tomorrow morning he will have the o'neils logo printed on his hands , he caught that many high balls!! He is very slow, he is just not having a good game...my mother is faster than him and she has artritis on both legs! - Pat Spillanes first half analysis on Armagh corner back Francie Bellew..he turned out to play a blinder in the second half and get the man of the match! The forward line is so weak and so poor..they would find it hard between them to tear a hole in a paper bag- Pat Spillane on the Cavan footballers. Pat spillane at half time of a rubbish match between wicklow and westmeath last year, " i think a video of this first half should be sent to guantanamo bay and shown to the detainees as a new method of torture" Half time in a championship match.... losing dressing room.... Coach: "the longer ye stay in here now the longer ye'll be in championship!!!" A clap on the back is only about two feet from a kick in the arse. Babs Keating Satellite News Channel interview with Euro 2004 fans in Lisbon... The reporter asked one man if he was disappointed that England had lost. The man replied, "Not at all, I'm Irish, I'm from Waterford". The reporter then asked, "But would you not support England when Ireland are not in the competition?" The man replied "Jaysus no way". Reporter: "Why not?" Man: "800 years of oppression!!" Reporter: "Is there ever any time you would support England?" Man: "Maybe if they were playing Kilkenny!!!" An post had to call back their commemorative stamps of last years winning football team as people didnt know when they seen the Kerry footballers which side of the stamp to spit on. Dublin follower to a Leitrim follower in Croke Park - 'Neil Diamond has played here more often that you have' Westmeath cornerback hits Jason Sherlock a sly dig off the ball. And a Dublin supporter shouts from the Hill. GO ON JAYO HIT HIM WITH YOUR WOK !!. Dublin v meath graham gerathy hits some lad off the ball.(canal end in croker) a dub supporter shouts "ah throw him in the canal wud'ya" and then some else goes "ah no sure its already poluted enough already"!!! After Cork & Kerry in Killarney last summer loads of us back in Scotts having a few pints. RTE are due to show highlights of the game and anaylise a few dubious ref decisions when a big lad from Cork shouts out "Sssshhh lads.....Crimeline is on!" Colin corkery has made a lazarth like recovery from a heart operation to be here 2day. lazarth was a great man but he couldn't kick points like colin corkery The G.A.A Dictionary MIGHTY - Very good. HAMES - A right ****. e.g. - "He made a hames of that chance." TIMBER - Intimidation of a hurling opponent. e.g. - "Show him some timber." LAMP - A good thump. e.g. - "I swung for the sliotar, missed by 3 feet and lamped the full back." A CROWD - A gathering of people who watch a match and hope for random acts of violence. e.g. - Meath supporters SCHKELP - To remove living tissue in the absence of surgical procedures. e.g. - "That hure from Tipp took a schkelp outta me leg." HATCHET MAN - Mountainy type, uses hunter/gatherer instincts. BULLIN' - Angry. e.g.- "The centre half was bullin' after I lamped him." BULL THICK - Very angry. e.g.- "The centre half was bull thick after I lamped him again." JOULT - A push. e.g.- "I gave him ! a joult and he has to wear a neck brace for 2 weeks." BUSHTED - An undefined soreness. e.g.- "Jayz me arm is bushted." THE BOMBER - Popular name for a fat hairy GAA player A HANG SANGWIDGE - Consumed with "tay" on the sides of roads after matches in Croker or Thurles, usually contains half a pound of butter. RAKE - A great amount of anything, usually pints of Guinness the night before an important match. INDANAMAJAYSUS - In-da-nama-Jaysus, what was that for ref? YA B0LLIX YA - Corner back's formal recognition of a score by his opponent. LEH-IT-IN-TA-FUCK-WUD-YA - Full forwards appeal to a midfielder for a more timely delivery of the pass. ROW - Disagreement involving four or more players. MASSIVE ROW - Disagreement involving both teams, including goalies, substitutes and supporters jumping fences. ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE - A massive row that continues out in the parking area or dressing room areas, usually resolved by the Gardai You know your a Junior Footballer when... You Know You're a Junior Footballer When .... 1. You spend all winter on the beer speculating on who will be brought in to manage the team next year. 2. The hardest tackle you will make all year is in an indoor soccer match in January. 3. When you break your brother-in-law's leg. 4. There are 35 at training under lights on a bitter February night (unfit but enthusiastic) - the average for August is 7 (the rest are either unfit, sick of training, repeating exams, in the US or making silage) 5. When you go for a pick-up, you fumble the ball at least twice before you just kick it. 6. The full forward has his son and nephew in the corners. 7. The nephew is two years older. 8. For a 2.30 throw-in, you start packing your gearbag at 2.40 and still manage to be on the field before the referee even arrives. 9. You can get a match called off because your star player is playing for the County under-16's the following week. 10. Your tight marking corner back never gives an inch ? except, of course, when the ball gets inside his own 50 and he charges out after it with all the other backs, forgetting that the other team are even on the field. 11. Your goalie lets in a sitter every second game - this usually happens after you have scored 5 points from play to reel in a difficult half-time deficit. 12. Or in the first minute if it is a final. 13. Your full-forward (nickname - Bomber) can't score but "he's a good man to bust up the play". 14. Your centre forward can't score either but "he'll stop a good man from playing". 15. Your championship is either a round robin that requires you to play six league games to eliminate one team, or a knockout starting in October. 16. Your no 8 can?t catch the ball and is only there because he is the tallest lad in the parish. 17. Any members of your panel who claim to have back injuries are either lazy or completely daft. Unless you can see blood, bruises or bandages, they are making it up. 18. Before every match, the forwards are told to stay wide and not bunch - but this is not what happens. The only time any forward goes wide is if they are looking for water. 19. Your backs play from behind punching with one hand while resting the other on the forward's back - this is why all your scores and all their scores come from frees. 20. A pint after Mass is the usual warm up for a game. 21. You can't field a team during the June because of Junior and Leaving Cert. exams 22. Your left corner back plays at No. 4 because he is one of only two people who can kick with their left foot. 23. Ditto No.7. 24. After every away match you can?t wait till next year "to get them bastards down to our pitch and give them a kickin'" 25. Your star player always has one other brother "that was even better but he couldn't stay off the drink". 10 Commandments of the G.A.A First I am the Lord, thy Association, thou shalt not play strange codes before me. Second Remember that thou keepest Holy the Croke Park ground. Third Honour thy Manager and thy Referee even when thy Manager leaveth thee on the Subs' bench or the Referee showeth thee a Red Card. Fourth Thou shalt not covet thy neighbouring county's All Ireland titles even unto their Under 21 B Special Hurling Competition. Fifth Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's place on the team in the County Final even though thou hast been playing in that position in every game, except unto the Final. Sixth Thou shalt not kill, except in the final minute of injury time when thy team is losing by a point. Seventh Thou shalt not take the name of Tommy Lyons in vain. Eighth Thou shalt not steal even a few metres on thy opponents when awarded a free, yea even when the Referee is not looking. Ninth Thou shalt not bear false witness in front of a disciplinary hearing, especially when the Referee's report and the video evidence blatantly contradict thee. Tenth Thou shalt not commit adultery with a member of thy local camogie club or ladies football team or vice versa |
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